I Could Love You and You Would Never Know

It was so much more to me than just another name on a list...than another notch on my belt or headboard. In those moments, everything that was wrong felt more than right and I needed you more than i had ever needed anything in my life. Whisper soft kisses around the contours of your body as I explored and memorized...

Explored and memorized...

I now knew you better than I ever had. Under black lights, glowing purple in a room that was meant for more than one, you were mine. Your fingerprints matched the wall paint, and the furniture and the hardwood floors and it felt like you belonged here. You were home here.


For you, the feeling was fleeting while mine lasted long after you left my bed. After the sheets turned cold and the lights were white again. I've always been unnaturally intrigued by you, but that took me over the edge. Somehow you didn't see it. I could love you and you would never know, blinded by your inability to commit and your fear of always missing out on something.

Apprehension

Apprehension...

I guess that's the word. I guess that's what I felt when she took it upon herself and booked the flight. And I've never let someone take the lead like that...not quite. But what rationalization did I have not to see her? None.

So "I'll see you in five months" was suddenly now only two and some change. Days, flights and bus tickets were arranged.

And I figured, I would only get more anxious as the days progressed. The laws of my habits I thought I learned, transgressed. Slowly, she crawls under my skin, making her mark like conquest. She's calm distress...

I'm a mess...

Every time I see her face, I long for time to fly...But all for what? So I can say hello, just as quickly as I'll have to say goodbye? consoled by gentle caressed and watery eyes...

Five days isn't enough time to spend memorizing her. Forgive me for thirsting for more; I want to get drunk off of her.

Hoping she'll enjoy the addictive qualities of myself as well, so we can enjoy this time again.

1 month, 14 days to go and I'm feeling...

Random Thoughts at a Club or... Can't Fit A Square into a Club

I've been sitting on this red suede couch for 36 minutes and I feel out if place. It's not the music that has been blaring in the background (in fact, that might be the only thing putting me at ease) and it's not that the birthday girl is late to her own party...its not that I'm freezing in my halter top, or that I'm tired or that I'm alone...here...waiting. Surrounded by people whose only connecting factor with me is the girl whose birth we are celebrating...what am I do here? Writing blogs. My neck hurts from bending it down to look at the screen. My eyes are watering from trying to focus on this extremely small font and I'm almost certain I'm starting to get carpool tunnel syndrome in my thumbs. I belong behind computer screens, in pajamas and curled up on my couch. In bed by 11:30pm so I insure that I will get 8 hours of sleep and be well rested for work in the morning...I just know I don't belong here.